My heart.

The ocean has my heart.

Being able to pop on down to the water on a Sat morning is nothing short of totally effin radical.

but not having Amelie with us is like a gaping hole. She's home sleeping, resting, it was just too hot today for her....but we have to get outdoors and into the picturesque landscape that is our backyard, for our sanity, for Brave's sake.

Words can't adequately describe how much this child used to love going to the beach! It was at the beach that we noticed initially she was really sick. In August 2015, family was in town visiting so of course we packed up and kicked it at the beach all day . she wouldn't play, wouldn't run or swim. Amelie only wanted me to hold her. I knew something was up. Of course, I just thought it was the flu. 

I was doing SUP yoga a few weeks ago, (by "doing" I mean pathetically attempting. That shit is hard.) and I had this absolutely beautiful vision while meditating/trying not to fall asleep in shavasna, my favorite pose, a vision of Lulu and I riding bikes along the bay, wind blowing in our long hair, and her LAUGH. Her undeniable, infectious, totally distinctive belly laugh. She was older in this vision, about 11 or 12.

so yesterday I rode my bike all along the bay, caring that vision with me. I was such a weirdo. I was riding around with a open-mouthed smile on my face, and every person that passed me totally thought I was smiling AT them! It was pretty funny actually. Some people smiled back, totally bro'ing on my vibe, but some peeps just looked at me confused as in, "what's she smokin today?" And others looked away uncomfortably, like 'oh my God stop smiling at me creepo lady." Hahaha I think I'll ride around again tomorrow. I'll just be known as the high weirdo beach cruiser lady who smiles at everyone.

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This was not the smile I was rockin while riding, FYI. That smile was much larger, slightly toothy, a little goofy, mouth ajar as though I was trying to taste the salty sea air. This is just me trying to look cool while taking a selfie in front of 100 people at the beach. (Yes, that's brave and hubbs in the background)