Amelie Update: holding steady

Amelita continues to remain stable. We had to give her a TINY dose of morphine today. Her breathing is just very labored. You can see her little chest move up and down in a way that just doesn't look normal. She's been awake and "alert" periodically, but, for the most part, sleeping in her bed (maybe from all the meds, or maybe she's in and out of some neurological coma) like the darling angel she is.

i'm sitting with her now, Snow White is on the iPad, one of her favorite movies. I don't know if she can see it or hear it, but I know one thing, if I were in her position I would want music and movies playing all the time. She still needs frequent suctioning, but the IV meds have greatly helped.

every once in awhile she'll make a little moan here and there, one so soft and light if you're not paying attention, you'll miss it (yes, I realize I'm jumping around in tense, but like I said, it's a blog and rules of grammar and writing don't apply right now. So all you English majors out there simmer down!)  the sound of which sends my heart racing and longing for her just to speak. Aw, to hear her voice again! How we long to hear it. 

I don't know what's going to happen. I really don't. my husband is begging God for mercy. He's at his wits end and can't endure this. I just tell him over and over, "we endure what we must. We suffer the unthinkable, then move. In any direction but down." It's a judge lodge of quotes I steal that other much smarter people have written that I know work.

Luckily, bravery boy has been so adorably sweet. He, of course, has no idea what's going on. We talk about heaven a little bit more and more, but we are not ready to have the full on conversation with him yet, because we just don't know what's going to happen. And right now he keeps the family uplifted!!! He's freakin hysterical. Last night he asked me why I was wearing a bandana on my head. I replied, "bc it looks cool." With a quizzical brow, he very matter of factly replied, "ummm, are you sure?" Hahaha! I said, "well, I was sure until now."  Then last night when Hubbs was getting aggravated that I was not coming to bed, bravery said (bc, yes he too was defiantly awake), "I'll talk to him, mommy, ok? But In the morning. Go to bed." Sooo, thank you my 4 year old is turning into my parent. 


Tonight we pray for our sweet Amelita to hold steady. Just hold steady, dear Amelie.



amelies mommy  




I personally do not like taking pictures of her in this state sometimes. It never quite really shows how adorable she is in person. You can't tell how soft her skin is, how long here eyelashes are, You can't hear the gentleness of her breaths, or the way she still smells like a baby...all that good stuff. But, on the flip side, I think it's important for her Angels to be able to see Amelie her condition, and to give an image to pray with.