I decided to leave town. Not forever, just to get the heck out of the house where, every time I walk by her bedroom, I am forced to be reminded of Amelie's last moments. 

and since Brave's been begging for a change of scenery, we took off yesterday for some family bonding time. He's requiring all my energy and attention right now, so getting outta town just seemed like a good idea.

i really just want to be home at my parents. It's my happy place. My retreat. Amelie loved it here. More than I. She begged and begged to go to Auburn. We would get home from the hospital and I would hear her talking about this place to herself in her room.  We could never make it. Too many doctors appointments, and anytime her immune system was low,  until finally, at long last chemo was over, and, last summer,  she was able to spend a week here. Maybe longer? Heck I can't even remember. All I remember was we had the most amazing, incredible, beautiful time together. No distractions. she was so happy. I have not been here since.

(taken August 2016. 11 days before her stroke. Her chocolate brown eyes were warm and glowing.)   

(taken August 2016. 11 days before her stroke. Her chocolate brown eyes were warm and glowing.)


Of course, We brought her urn with us. Finally, sweet Amelie, we made it up here. 

We plan to bury a small portion of her ashes by the flower tree next to the pond. One of her favorite places. 

I also plan to embrace hedonism this week. I slept in today and made pancakes with berries (from the backyard) compote. Didn't get dressed until 1pm. Took a nap. Drank wine with lunch. listened to Mozart Reqiuem full volume for an hour. Last night for dinner I transformed my elegantly prepared dish of homemade tamales into a giant nacho plate, washed down with a Dr Pepper, and half a snickers for desert. Add some cantaloupe for color. Bravery, in protest to his dinner of veggies, brown rice and sausage, kept hopelessly pleading for junk food. "why are you in charge Mommy?" Bc I'm the boss. "Why are you the boss of everybody?" I'm not. just you, and, on very very rare occasion, daddy. Now eat it.

Fed an ice cream cone later (hedonism, remember?), he was in blissful heaven playing with my parents 107lb yellow lab, whom he affectionately calls Jakey-boy, building Legos, and having undivided attention from 4 adults.   he's so excited to be out of our house, he said today, "can we live here forever?"

I decided he's been very much sheltered (we didn't have much of a choice) and needs to see the world. First up, farm animals, fruit orchard, and a sunset fishing trip on the lake.



Brave = so excited to take a plane trip. the greatest little traveling buddy. 


Daddy doing a headstand his first ever attempt at sup yoga. On my board. thief. 



Baby chicks st the animal feed store