sleeping babes.

I stumbled upon this photo recently, not even knowing it existed. I LOVE this photo. It's not taken well, sorta blurry, randomly cropped, but it transports me back to a time when life was incredible--not because things were perfect, that's not how I define an incredible life anymore--but because I had both my babies, still in diapers, practically twins, with me all day, every day. Money was very tight, but I didn't have to work. We were broke but ok with it. We lived across the street from the ocean, and I could hear the waves from my bedroom window at night. Grandpa Dickie came over twice a day to check on us, keeping watch over this young family with vigilant paternal care. Amelie was the vibrant life force in the family at that time, her pranayama powerfully uninhibited, radiant, intense...we were all just characters in her very special story.

My only responsibilities in life at that time were to care for them. It was simple, exhausting, and I had little clue as to what I was doing. Plus I had post-partum hypo-thyroidism and I looked like I was wearing a fat suit of myself. which also made me super tired. I was nursing. and Bravery never slept. I mean never. 45 min intervals, all friggin night. I was goin cray cray! I was totally overwhelmed. How silly.

All I ever wanted was a break, to be alone for 5 minutes, to have kids who didn't scream or throw up all over the place or destroy my tiny house (no exaggeration. the front door area was the living room was the dining room was the kitchen). I had no clue how incredibly amazing that life truly was. I would kill to have that time back again. I'd even be fat again for it (I 'cured' myself of the hypothyroidism myself, with painstaking diet and exercise alone, no drugs, and it took what seemed like eternity, 2 years). To have my sweetheart Amelie back in that miniature Honda Civic I'd had for years (still got it! Compared to my Honda Pilot, it feels like a clown car now), her rosy cheeks and gorgeous sun kissed hair, frizzy from the dank, humid, rain stormy Virginia weather. We had just gotten home from a 3 hour playdate with Scarlett and Avelene, and they just passed out in the car from total exhaustion (and maybe I had put on Brahms Lullaby on repeat and drove 20miles and hour the whole way home).  I parked in front of the house and enjoyed the quiet, feeling fulfilled as a mother--a feeling I didn't get often but chased daily--that I gave them something meaningful, fun, GOOD that day.

It was too hot to even have clothes on. It was Africa hot. So hot even the breath from my mouth seemed like steam. So hot the sweat beads ran down the inside of my shirt, making me think I had ants 🐜 crawling around on me. So hot the mosquitoes were on strike, refusing to come out and torment us. And then, in this picture, here they are, these little cherub angels sleeping soundly in the car. I want to eat and bite and squeeze and kiss and chew on those cheekies. {yes, yes I know, I'm a weirdo.}

She's clutching a Jasmine (from Aladdin) toy doll. She loved Jasmine. Most kids love the Genie, Amelie not so much. She loved the tiger, Raja, and used to say it's name over and over, only she couldn't really pronounce hard "j" sounds, so it came out more like, "rahhjjtha" which made it even cuter. 🐯 

She's clutching a Jasmine (from Aladdin) toy doll. She loved Jasmine. Most kids love the Genie, Amelie not so much. She loved the tiger, Raja, and used to say it's name over and over, only she couldn't really pronounce hard "j" sounds, so it came out more like, "rahhjjtha" which made it even cuter. 🐯