burn.

Last week I unintentionally broke my cardinal rule of sun care--I didn't reapply sunscreen and I burned the heck outta my face. I mean, BURNED IT.  I was in the sun on the blazin beach for 4 hours, no hat, no sunscreen, nada. idiota!!

Hubbs came home, took one look at me and said, 'babe. whoa.' I know, I know, the sunscreen makes me look like a ghost. (I normally apply it so thick, I look like Lydia from Beetlejuice. wah-hite, white.) 'uhhh, no babe, you look like Magda, from There's Something About Mary.' wha??? I hadn't looked in the mirror all day, so I wasn't sure what the heck he was talking about. Then I saw it. My God. He wasn't lyin'. I really DID look Magda!!!

 

I don't even need makeup to achieve this look. Trump would be proud. Subsequently, I have found my Halloween costume this year. No seriously, this IS who I'm going to be for Halloween. i'm part-way there.

I don't even need makeup to achieve this look. Trump would be proud. Subsequently, I have found my Halloween costume this year. No seriously, this IS who I'm going to be for Halloween. i'm part-way there.

What is the point of this story, you ask? I'm gettin to it...So tonight, I'm in the shower and absentmindedly (sensing a theme here?) scrubbed my face with a microderm abrasion paste I keep in the shower. Dude, bad effin idea. I went from looking like Madga to Freddy Krueger.  I have brown skin peeling all over the place, revealing bright pink patches like a patchwork quilt of exposed skin. It's not pretty. My grisly face could make a baby cry. I'll be wearing a hat all week.

In a state of panic, I started to brainstorm what I could do to heal this . MediHoney! Amelie used this medical grade Manuka honey, invented (by bees) to heal and soothe burns and wounds. We used it ALL THE TIME for two years. I slathered that thick goo all over my face. Now I look like someone out of a B-rated horror movie, or a Real Housewife of Orange County after a bad chemical peel (which is kind of like a B rated reality horror show). We use MediHoney on everything, I highly recommend getting a tube.

Then I remembered: Amelie's scalp was burned to a crisp during radiation. He soft hair quickly fell out, almost immediately, one day we woke up and the hair just stayed on the pillow. The radiation had to be focused as close to the surface as possible in order to hit the disease that was coating her brain. The effects of radiation and the story of that six week time-frame, ugh I don't even have the strength to get into. I will just lose it right now. and I've already lost it about 30 times today, like in the middle of the street in Coronado, where I stopped to listen to the church bells sing a song (These bells were playing the most beautiful song, I have no idea what it was, but I looked around and no one was paying attention to it, save me. I was stopped in my tracks right there on the sidewalk, in total awe of this musical moment. Maybe Amelie was saying hi to me....) It will have to be in another post, when I have the fortitude to explain exactly what we went through with radiation...but right now, I just can't even think about it.

except the burns. It didn't last long, but the scarring left it's mark. physically and psychologically. Amelita was traumatized by it. Her hair gone in an instant. Her head red, peeling, blistering. So, we took her out to eat every day after radiation. and one special day, we took her to Chucky Cheese. she just SMILED so much!, despite having just been sedated, with a massive tumor in her brain, looking like a freak show (in her eyes). She SMILED and laughed. I remember being AMAZED at how easy this child could laugh....and how that laugh relinquished my soul from bondage. It was an angel's laugh. I mean it in all earnestness, it really was a special laugh.

So here I am, putting MediHoney all over my flaky face, looking slightly gruesome, and it hurts like hell. my nose is partly Rudolf. It makes my heart ache to know how her little head felt too. I had very little understanding of the pain she felt about that, or the pain burn victims feel all of the time, until tonight. Then I just started laughing, out loud, big chuckles like Amelita used to laugh. because honestly, it's just a sunburn, i did it to myself, and it's kind of hysterical.

Even though she's gone, Amelie is still teaching her mama life lessons....

her head is swollen from the radiation head, it causes intense inflammation. Here she is, nibblin on pizza, her soft eyes weak and heavy from radiation affecting her ocular functions, yet still smilin....

her head is swollen from the radiation head, it causes intense inflammation. Here she is, nibblin on pizza, her soft eyes weak and heavy from radiation affecting her ocular functions, yet still smilin....

I absolutely LOVE this photo. Daddy took Amelita to her old school one day for a short visit. He was so good like that, always taking her back to Teacher Bonnie's class to make her feel connected, normal, reminding her that life existed outside the walls of a hospital or radiation room. She LOVED that classroom!!! that enormous smile!! she was so happy in this moment, just being a normal kid at school. You can see the giant MediHoney patch on the side of her head, keeping that delicately burned skin protected.

I absolutely LOVE this photo. Daddy took Amelita to her old school one day for a short visit. He was so good like that, always taking her back to Teacher Bonnie's class to make her feel connected, normal, reminding her that life existed outside the walls of a hospital or radiation room. She LOVED that classroom!!! that enormous smile!! she was so happy in this moment, just being a normal kid at school. You can see the giant MediHoney patch on the side of her head, keeping that delicately burned skin protected.

Pictured with her Auntie Shelley, after a radiation treatment. Amelita had bouts of rage, anger, uncontrollable emotional outbursts (which some parents warned us about, the heat from radiation just seems to have that affect), yet many days we were able to take her to eat, have fun, and bring out that incredible smile! You can visibly see the burn line of demarcation, just past her eyes.

Pictured with her Auntie Shelley, after a radiation treatment. Amelita had bouts of rage, anger, uncontrollable emotional outbursts (which some parents warned us about, the heat from radiation just seems to have that affect), yet many days we were able to take her to eat, have fun, and bring out that incredible smile! You can visibly see the burn line of demarcation, just past her eyes.

p.s. one of those life lessons is to wear sunscreen. i mean it people, u don't want to look like me. it's ghastly. funny thing is, Hubbs is already asleep (I don't sleep anymore, come by at 2am, we'll have a coffee and chat. Jk I am being sarcastic. don't do that. but you can text me). so, in the morning he's going to wake up, all rested and calm, lean over to give me a loving morning kiss....and BAM! jump outta bed then crap his pants.