"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.
Let me walk upon the water wherever you would call me!
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
and my faith will be made stronger
in the presence OF MY SAVIOR!"
just think! Amelie is in the presence of Jesus! I mean, today, I, WE, cannot be forgetful of that. Even as I sat in the waiting room of the County Recorder's Office, ordering an official copy of her Death Certificate. Even as I realized I was sitting in the same chair I waited in the day I (officially/unofficially) married my Husband 10 years ago, arrogantly confident and blissfully happy in love. Even as my 5 year old son, ignorant of the horrible purpose of our time consuming, tedious errand, sits silently next to me. I cannot and have not forgotten that Amelie is experiencing a type of joy not even fathomable to my earthly, limited brain!
Hubbs was randomly (not randomly) in the same area of town (picking up his repaired paddle board....I may or may not have accidentally punctured it while cleaning the garage. I felt like the mom in 'A Christmas Story' who broke the LAMP...oh you know what I'm talkin' bout, FRAGILEEE. yeah, that was me). He popped in with a big smile on his face, then walked over to me, realized why I was even there, and his ENTIRE FACE just instantly contorted in anguish, looking up and away, tears filling his eyes, embracing me. I knew. It was in me too. He scooped up Brave, and b-lined it straight outta there, not without pausing at the door, loudly proclaiming, "I LOVE YOU MY DEAR!" and blowing a kiss towards me, causing the entire waiting room crowd to stare and smile, not one of them knowing we were there paying $21 for a little piece of paper that makes our daughter's death officially stamped signed delivered.
I left in an emotional torment, turned on a song, remembered that Michelangelo (the magnificent, the great, the genius) said, "Death and love are the two wings that bear the good man to Heaven." and I just asked the Holy Spirit to fill me up...and it did. I smiled....and when I got home, there was a book on my doorstep, just waiting for me to read it, entitled 'ANGELS ARE EVERYWHERE.'
oh hell no that's not a coincidence!
I'm sitting in Amelie's bed reading it's words, "Get through hard times with God." alrighty, nuff said (but, to be fair, a nice bottle of Pinot Noir helps too).