made whole.


This is the Amelie Fira that became, when the bedridden Amelie Fira died. I was able to soul sit with her, feel her spirit leave and see it move above me, straight away, linear trajectory, slowly, smoothly direct in a fixed line, as in an invisible elevator. This image came into my mind, and I think of it often. Those luxurious, bountiful soft curls, caressing my palms as my hands passed through. Her serene smile, at peace, eyes closed, eyelashes pressed down, so long and thick, fluttering against her cheeks.

There is so much to say about this photo, I could write for hours. We were in Northern California, during Christmas. The mermaid tail on her shirt, visibly poking out for attention. Her toes were painted the exact same color of metallic teal, her mermaid toes, as she called them. Ridiculous really, since mermaids don’t have toes. She didn’t care. She knew better than I that mermaids are real. Mermaids are angels, water angels, tails for wings, shells for halos, sand for clouds. I could say so much about this picture, but I just can’t stop thinking about how this is what she looks like now. She’s made whole.

We are made whole when we die, make no mistake.

How wonderful that is to know. My God, what a gift, to be made whole again, in pure resplendence!! That is the only thing that brings me comfort, the only thing that makes suffering worth it, worth all this shit—that thought. and the pureness that selfless love truly is. That’s what this image embodies. That’s what she, my little girl, embodies. Can a mother ever be more proud? I pray often my children would come to know Jesus, to experience the Divine, to be touched by light. and now she IS the light! She IS with the Divine. If not for that, life would be pure misery. But for that, life is Hope.