oh, how she loved her daddy. look how she smiled at him here. of course, they were breaking the rules so she was stoaked—they were driving back roads out of their carseats—every child’s dream, every mommy’s nightmare. daddy loved it. amelie loved him for it. she’s wearing his dog tags, fitting, since he’s retiring in three weeks.

ugh, such great memories, so long ago. i wish i could recall these moments, but they’re slipping away in my mind. i wonder all the time….in 20, 30, 40 years, what will I remember about her? I, sadly, rely on pictures to provide my memories at times….as if my brain shuts down memories b/c it’s either broken or surviving…I cling to these images as if they’re oxygen needed for my survival. but they must be in my brain somewhere, right? I mean, how did mothers who lost children go without pictures and videos, relying solely on the images in their mind to sustain them throughout their lives? I feel so lucky. I have so many pictures. I have to remember that when I feel like I have almost none at all. I could never have enough pictures of her.

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