Today we visited Amelie’s duck pond (that’s what I call it any way). It was cold, gray, slightly chilly and uncomfortable, capturing my mood perfectly despite the hilarious, friendly company.
Lil Miss Scarlett flew here from Hawaii just to celebrate her friend Amelie this weekend and to spend time with her ‘cousin’ Bravery.
It’s so hard... to always see everyone else’s little girls and not mine. It’s so shitty that I have to search for her spirit, instead of just wake up and see her face. It’s so exhausting, smiling sometimes. Some days smiles come freely and easily. Some days, like today, smiles are work, heavy, slow to appear—never fake, because that’s just not me—but the energy output significantly more taxing.
It was the first time I had been back to Paradise Point since her celebration of life in September. I had a hard time enjoying it. June gloom is here in full effect, there were tourists everywhere because of the holiday weekend, and I wanted it to be sunny and quiet. I couldn’t “tap into” spiritual energy (it’s not hippie shit, it’s real! Ok it IS hippie shit, but doesn’t make it not true).
But my, how grateful I am my daughter is loved and remembered, all a grieving mother wants some times.
ps the ducks were being little shits today. They were aggressive and jumping on the dock, which doesn’t normally happen. Maybe they’re pissed bc I havent been there since September, and they’re saying, “where the hell have you and the bread been?!!” Bravery kept running around getting them back in the water yelling “shoo! shoo!” Waving his shirt around like a circuit ringmaster.