[I skipped the year of her in her wheelchair. Who wants to see that.]
this was our Christmas, surrounded by family and it was beautiful. I was so sick I was in bed for four days, where I binged on Amazon videos and cried and slept and prayed and recovered. Brave played endlessly with his cousins, had way too much iPad video game time, stayed up late, and his primary diet consisted of sugar and beige-colored carbs, and he was beyond happy. Daddy took care of me and did the daddy thing.
We talked of Amelie, but, to be honest, I didn’t have the energy this year to make ceremony of it.
Luckily Aunti Rachel stepped up and created a project for the kids to honor her, making candles with Amelie’s picture on it to light throughout the year. It was sweet and thoughtful and the kids loved it.
These photos caught my attention. it’s the perfect sum up of our Christmas—life must go on, no matter how much we push back or deny it, it just goes on man. Time is a machine. It doesn’t stop. It cannot stop. Mediating you can feel timeless for a bit, and step outside your own head and space....but then you come back to your reality and it’s right there again.
She was here and now she’s not. And that’s all there is to it sometimes.